Attacks your feelings and bonds
Playing the victim
They cast themselves as the injured one to dodge responsibility.
The first tell
You feel cruel for bringing it up. That feeling arrives before you can name the move.
What it sounds like
You ask a roommate to pay overdue rent. They say: I can't believe you'd kick me while I'm down.
Say back
I'm sorry things are hard. The rent is still due.
If they push
Nobody ever cuts me a break.
I can give you until Friday. After that I need it.
How this family is disarmed
Weigh actions over words and keep your own pace.
Paid
See it in dating and at work
Context packs show this tactic in the settings where it does the most damage, and let you drill it against a timer.
Related tactics
- Love bombingIntense affection arrives very fast, before trust has had time to form.
- Guilt-trippingThey make you feel like a bad person for saying no.
- NeggingA put-down dressed as a compliment, meant to make you seek their approval.
- Future fakingBig promises about later are used to get what they want now.